Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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