I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
