do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
