Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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