I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
