Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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