She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
