this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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