My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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