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I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
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