Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Randomize
