I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
