I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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