i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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