I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
