You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
