I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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