I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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