i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
