i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
