i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
