so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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