just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
