You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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