I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
