My hand turned me down
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
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Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
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Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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