I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
