i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
