UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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