I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
