Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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