I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
