he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
