So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
