I think I won the penis lottery.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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