If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
