Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
