It was confusing and full of hummus
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
