I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Help. Why am I so naked?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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