I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
false alarm, still single
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
