dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
