I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
