I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
