census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
