My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
