Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
