considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
