My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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