Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
