Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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