I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
