she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
