We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
