I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
last night I used snow as a chaser
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
