i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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