T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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