So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
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Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
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Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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