I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
