I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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