Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
