I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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