part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
