planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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