Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
